broadaxe (broadaxe) wrote in honest_critique,

Hey first time here.

I would love it if i could get some feed back on this. thanks.

The little one sleeps in its cradle,
I lift the gauze and look a long time, and silently brush away flies
with my hand.

The youngster and the red-faced girl turn aside up the bushy hill,
I peeringly view them from the top.

The suicide sprawls on the bloody floor of the bedroom,
I witness the corpse with its dabbled hair, I note where the pistol
has fallen.
  • Post a new comment


    default userpic
    When you submit the form an invisible reCAPTCHA check will be performed.
    You must follow the Privacy Policy and Google Terms of use.
  • 1 comment



February 2 2007, 14:57:25 UTC 11 years ago

Yeah, I like Walt Whitman too. Pretty cool dude, right?